It Wasnt Supposed To Be Like This
by RollinsFrostFan
Summary: The case that broke the hearts of lots. Child abuse and one that gets close to Amanda. My take on the ending that should have happened instead of the one that did. Again SPOILERS if you haven't seen the episode...


**CURRENT SEASON AND IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THIS EPISODE IT THIS HAS SPOILERS. Latest episode taken from the Ripped From The Headlines "Turpin family" Child abuse case... Hope yall enjoy and for those wanting the ending we didn't get on tv hope this does justice.**

This case. It struck a chord with everyone. The children were abused, who wouldnt take it to heart? Earlier the day prior Amanda and Fin had been alerted that a child was hiding out in the bathroom on one of thier trains. She wasnt causing any trouble, she was just hiding. What prompted the conductor to call the police was he had heard the girl crying in the bathroom but he couldnt get her to come out at all, let alone trying to get her name.

Enter in Rollins and Fin. Amanda told the conductor to let her try and talk to the girl. Fin stepped back and Amanda entered the tiny bathroom. The young girl looking at Amanda with obvious fear, she scurried back into the corner, almost begging to not be hurt. Amanda looked at the young girl, christ she thought to herself she cant be older than a young teenager. Trying to easily talk to the girl Amanda tried asking her name. The girl wouldnt answer. Amanda reached into her pocket for the candy she had been stashing for later, pulling it out, the noise catching the young girl's attention. This lead Amanda to know the girl was infact hungry and she was going to use this to her advantage. " _I'll give you some if you tell me your name._ " The girl now showed interest and tried to snatch the bag of candy. Amanda being quick moved it out of reach " _Uh uh, tell me your name_." Amanda didnt want to be like this, but she needed some leverage to get the girl to talk and at least find out her name. The girl watched Amanda with that bag of candy like a hawk. How she wanted that candy so she looked at Amanda. " _Esther_ " Amanda smiled, they were getting somewhere. She attempted to get a last name but all she got out of that was some religious babble from the girl. Finally getting Esther to come out of the bathroom Fin looked at her, pretty much questioning the candy bit. Amanda replied "Works with Frannie." Fin shook his head and mumbled after Amanda and Esther had walked out of the train. "But Frannie's a dog".

Things got more complicated from there. Escalating in Amanda going off to find the girl and the family after they left the precinct. Amanda got bad vibes from the father and had an immediate dislike for the man. Olivia had given Amanda the permission just one request, not to get in over her head. Too late for that but she had Olivia's support as Olivia didnt like the situation either. Now they were practically in a hostage standoff. All Amanda wanted was Esther out safe. She didnt care about anything else, well she wanted the other kids out safe as well. They had pleaded with the father to let her go. He wasnt having that. Esther went back inside and he followed suit. Then the bullets started to fly. Not what they had wanted. After the firing stopped Amanda and Olivia rushed inside the house. They saw one child that was a casualty. Then they turned and saw Esther. The girl they were trying to save had become another casualty. This ripped Amanda. She had bonded with the girl, somewhat got her trust. She had wanted nothing more than to protect the young girl and here she was in front of her on the floor with a bullet in her head.

It had all happened so fast, it was like a blur to Amanda. Back at the precinct the questioning went on. Amanda was getting more and more pissed off. The Mr. LaBott trying to still explain his actions and so forth. Amanda wasnt having it. The girl she had tried to save was dead. She threw a chair at the wall, and Olivia knew she needed to pull her out, not just for the safety of the perp but for Amanda as well. Plus she had needed to tell Amanda what she had found out from ballistics. This was going to be the worst thing she ever had to tell the detective.

"ROLLINS MY OFFICE NOW!"

Amanda was fired up. So many emotions coursing through her body. Anger being the one she currently felt most. She walked into Liv's office. "We got the ballistics back on Esther." Amanda lit up. "Good now let's go get the son of a bitch." She tried to leave and go back into the interview room, Liv put her hand on her to stop her. Liv took a deep breath, this wasnt going to go well, but she couldnt hide it from Amanda either. She braced herself for what she was going to say. She had to say it blunt and she knew it was going to push Amanda.

"Amanda you fired the bullet that killed Esther LaBott."

The words that came out her leiutenants mouth, she couldnt fathom it.

" _Oh God... Oh God."_ Amanda repeated. Tears were glossing over her eyes. She couldnt stop them from falling. Oh she wanted to blink them away but she just couldnt. She sat, staring at Olivia, the tears staining her cheeks as they fell.

"Honey you know the drill. You're going to talk to the force investigation group, and you're going to talk to IAB." Amanda had cut her eyes down to where she wasnt looking at anything but the floor of her lieutenants office, Liv gently tipped up Amanda's chin she wanted to say this to Amanda with her looking in her eyes.

" **And I am confident that you are going to be back to work in the next few days."**

And with that Liv left Amanda alone for a few moments, she was actually going to get her detective some water. She knew the woman didnt like losing her shit in front of someone. While she was out getting the water Fin looked at Liv "Hey how is she doing?" Liv told him that she wasnt doing good at all. "Fin the ballistics came back and the bullet that killed Esther came from Amanda's gun. I just had to deliver the news to her. That's why I came out here and got some water for her, to give her a few moments. I'm going right back in there." Fin nodded, he could see that Olivia wanted to actually comfort Amanda since she had delivered the news. "Liv give her my best and let her know I'm here too. I'm trusting you to take care of my partner. I know she's hurting, she's going to need alot of support, make sure if you're saying you're going to be there Liv, that you are actually there." If it had been anyone else Liv would have told him to fuck off and mind his own business but this was Fin. He was loyal and had his partners back one-hundred percent. She touched his hand "Fin you know I have her back. I'm going to do whatever I can for her right now. Dont worry she is still my detective, she just has to go through the routine psyche evals." That appeased Fin and he left Liv to go back into her office to tend to Amanda.

Opening the door as quietly as she could she walked back in her office. Speaking softly as to not startle the blonde "Amanda, here's some water." She placed the cup on the table and stood near the sofa for a minute. She didnt want to invade the blondes space as she knew how Amanda got, she wasnt a clingy person at all and often had that bubble up to keep people at bay. "Do you mind if I sit down?" Amanda looked at her, the tears hadnt run dry and a fresh bout looked ready to start, her voice raspy from the tears she was still shedding "It's your office Liv." Liv sat down, still giving space to the young woman who was so beside herself and Liv knew it was with guilt. "Honey you didnt do this deliberately. Honey it was an accident." Amanda got angry growling she spat "Accident huh? Fucking accident you say. Esther is dead. She's dead Liv and as you said the fucking bullet came from my gun. Oh but its an accident." Amanda looked up, you could feel the rage and hurt inside this woman. " **My fucking gun, my fucking shot is the one that killed that sweet girl. She never fucking stood a chance did she? Me, Detective Amanda Rollins killed her.** " After saying it again a whole new set of tears started to flow. Only this time Olivia couldnt just sit and watch her lose it, she grabbed the smaller blonde and pulled her in her arms. She wanted to comfort the sobbing woman. What surprised her was the fact Amanda didnt fight her, Amanda actually let herself be pulled into Olivia's arms. Liv just rubbed her back tried her best to soothe her. Amanda continued to let the tears fall. She just couldnt hold them back. The words that Liv said to her kept echoing in her head **_"Amanda you fired the bullet that killed Esther LaBott."_** Echoing in her head, she couldnt get any solace there was just no way. How in the hell would she find peace after what she did? Liv felt her beginning to tremble once again. Holding her as close as she possibly could she continued to reassure her colleague. Then Amanda said the things that broke her heart.

"It's my fault. I killed her. I shouldnt have fired the shots. But I had to try and protect. I fucking killed her Liv. She needed help. I didnt help her at all, I got her killed. I murdered our victim."

Liv sat there with Amanda in her arms. Amanda's words legit had just broken her heart. Kissing the top of Amanda's head as she sometimes did to try and console the victims, Amanda actually hugged her tighter. "Amanda honey, you cant blame yourself. Honey you didnt intentionally shoot her. You did what other officers were doing. You fired a shot when shots were fired. Sweetie you reacted." Amanda put her face in her hands mumbling through tears " _And it was a bullet from my gun that killed her_." Liv just hugged her, there was nothing more she could do for her. Thankful for the fact that Amanda wasn't asking to be alone or even fighting to be alone, cause this certainly wasnt the time to be alone. Kissing her forehead once more "Honey I'm sure Esther doesnt blame you. Amanda listen to me, she knows you did everything you could for her."

Amanda stayed in Liv's arms a little bit longer. Her boss's arms felt safe and welcoming. She then wiped her eyes. Her voice still choked with tears "Liv I'm just going to go home. I've taken up enough of your time and made you stay long enough. You've got other pressing matters I'm sure." Liv looked at Amanda who seemed to be opening up and letting her see her feelings. "Hey I've got nowhere to be that's more important than where I am now." Liv rubbed her Amanda's arms "Why dont you come stay at my place? Before you turn me down, I dont think right now is the best time for you to be alone. So please do me this favor and come stay. We can talk, you can cry, whatever you need."

Amanda thought for a minute. She really didnt want to be alone, especially with the thoughts of Esther and what happened. With tears glossing over her blue orbs she looked into Liv's eyes. "I'd appreciate it very much as long as you are sure I am not imposing on anything." Liv helped the blonde to stand up, placing her arm around Amanda's waist. "Sweetie I'm absolutely positive."


End file.
